Some thoughts on becoming a Mom

I haven´t written a lot recently but that´s not a measure of the amount of thoughts, happenings, and preparations that have been going on here in this little home of mine.

We´re going to be parents! I´m going to be a MOM! I´m freaking out! And I´m loving it!

This will most likely be another blog entry labeled "Random Ramblings" and that´s what it is. This is what´s going on in my brain these days, among a million other things, of course: I´m so looking forward to finally meet the little alien person inside me. But pregnancy -while the process still amazes me and is like nothing else one will ever experience- itself is a weird thing. I´m feeling like Dax, with another creature making a home in my womb. It´s so surreal at times and at other times very normal. Your mood and mind plays tricks on you and that´s only the beginning of things. I love to be able to create our greatest masterpiece yet. At the same time, I really am not one of those moms who enjoys pregnancy. Period. I love the little kid with all my heart already. I can´t wrap my mind around how this little miracle is growing so fast. Until I look down and see my belly. I mean, I´m only a little over the half way mark but if the bump continues to grow at that rate, things will get ugly pretty soon. I mean, it´s already getting a tad more difficult to tie my shoes... . And I really don´t like that huge belly. I love the contents but not the looks! Let´s not even talk about shopping for maternity clothes. UGLY and / or expensive. I used to love shopping but really, when you have to shop because you simply cannot breathe in your pants anymore and your t-shirts seem to pop at the seams, and all the stores have is a limited variety of tent-like getups, things can be depressing. And what´s that thing about the hormons wreaking havoc? My bladder? You´d think it´s the size of a grape. It seems like all I do is run to the toilet. Day and night. And I know I should go on long walks, but really, 20 - 30 Minutes is cutting it very close already, since there´s no restrooms on my walking route.

I found his and the next few cartoons online somewhere...
but pregnancy forgetfulness keeps me from remembering where exactly.

And let´s not forget the other joys of pregnancy that show up in different phases or all at once, like sleeplessness at night, being dead tired during the daytime, morning-sickness, slow digestion and everything related to it.

You know what else kind of already freaks me out? Breastfeeding. I´ll do it for sure because that´s just the best stuff a baby can have for nutrition. But honestly! Who thought of that? How weird is it in the first place? Why can´t I just thumbfeed? Why does the stuff come out of my breasts?! Not the thumb? Cause that would certainly make things a lot easier! Well, if you can´t change it, all you can do is laugh about it. And I thought this one here was pretty good:

And what´s that, another food-craving?

I don´t try to dwell on the unpleasant effects of pregnancy but sometimes one can´t ignore them.
And then I worry if I´ll be a good parent (I mean I have visions of raising the kindest, smartest, coolest kids on the planet but then again, I´m afraid they turn out to be the weirdest nutcases in the galaxy!).

I have the best intentions but who knows how I´ll be able to really do it (I have visions of hugging the kids and telling them just how much I love them every day...vs. the gruesome reality of probably many times: loving them besides tantrums and their throwing fits and yelling). I intend to establish rules and guidelines and expect them to stick to them but I really hope I will stick to them. I also plan to raise the kids bilingual and expose them to the arts and music and great books (I have visions of kids who speak 2 languages to near perfection... vs. I´ll probably have kids who quarrel with each other in a mix of both languages or more and who end up speaking with a weird local German accent).

And then I turn into cooing little girl, so totally excited and happy because Mini-Me just poked me from the inside. HAPPY!

When I try to overcome some of those mom-to-be fears, I remember my own parents and the great job they did. And those numerous great examples in parenting and awesome kids I´ve seen throughout the years.
I have no illusions, the house will be messy most of the time and I´ll feel and look like a Zombie (but Baby will still love me, because I´m the mom, ha!) and I´ll probably fall off the edge of the world for the first 2-3 months, during which all communication to the outside world on my part will cease, due to a near-death state of living until my body has somewhat adjusted to mom-mode. But it will all be so worth it, I know. And I can´t wait :)!