Heads up: whining ahead!
Ok, so I´m panicking slightly. You know that Birthdays and Christmas (which is another B-day celebration, really) to me are really important events to look forward to each year. I´m excited about my friends´ birthdays and about my own likewise. Now, since moving here, I missed a lot of birthdays and most of you live too far away to stop by for a piece of birthday cake or two. And to all of my family and friends who live spread apart around the world, I miss you even more. This year, it´s kind of a big deal... it might be a girl´s thing (Dani thinks it´s just a regular birthday, like any other), but turning 30, 50, or 60....or 100 is even more special. That´s when we Germans usually have the big party with everyone there. Plan B for me was to grab Dani and simply escape somewhere. But. That´s. Not. So. Easy. The weather limits my options (i.e. no watermelon picnic with b.b.q. in the park... too icy and snowy and no sun!), so does living in the middle of nowhere (i.e. I´d have to travel for a long time to get to cultural and fun places with things to do on my B-day). All of my ideas and plans have been foiled by circumstance so far, and I have 7 more days to come up with a plan but the sooner the better. All I know is that I desperately want to leave this area... at least for my birthday. Hm. Or I´ll simply ingore my birthday and pretend it stopped at 29. Each year I´ll turn 29 again, that sounds good. Although I´d rather turn 19 or 20 again, that was a great age! I don´t know. I just feel like I´ve nothing accomplished since moving here and I feel like my mind and social life have been suffering greatly. And whenever I´m in one of these self-pitty sessions I want nothing more than returning to a life of purpose, like the one I had when I served the Mission in D.C., or when I was in my former ward, or when I had my previous job that I loved (but not as much as I love Dani, who kidnapped me and brought me to this area). Do you ever feel that way? What do you do when you feel isolated and drained?
I can understand feeling isolated... for my last 2 birthdays we lived in my parents basement and the first of the two we were, well very poor. My parents live in the middle of nowhere (basically there is only one window you can see neighbors from in that house and they are 1/4 mile away.) Anything cultural is pretty much 2.5 hours away.
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't really remember what we did for my birthday, I do know that I had an ice-cream cake given to me by my mom the first year though.
I wish I could give you good advise but I tend to get introverted and retract when I'm isolated and drained. My advise is not to do that because it just makes it worse! Happy Birthday in a week (because I'll probably forget by next Saturday with this pregnancy brain!)
PINTEREST. :D I curl up with Matt, watch lots of Dr. Who, and focus on the things I can control. I get very unhappy if I don't feel like I have something to do over which I can control the end result. For me, this has largely consisted of sewing and painting. :D Wish you lived closer! I hope that perma-29 isn't too painful. It really freaked me out, but I must admit, I am rather enjoying my 30s. :) <3
ReplyDeleteThats how I've been feeling for about 6 years now.
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